In Another Time Page 7
After I paid for our meal and once we were outside Venturo’s, we turned left and strolled down Walnut Creek Boulevard. It was a clear night, the velvet sky and silvery crescent moon guaranteeing a romantic stroll. The moonlight illuminated Lillian’s golden-streaked auburn locks, and the creamy disc was reflected in her alluring eyes. We walked through the streets of Harmony Glen hand in hand, our bodies as close as possible.
When we reached the gazebo that overlooked the river, we chose the bench that allowed the best view of the tumbling water and snuggled close to each other, Lillian’s head on my shoulder, then crooking a finger under her chin, I gently turned her face up to receive my kiss. I reluctantly pulled back, my eyes never leaving hers, as I dipped my hand inside my jacket pocket finding the box that guarded the precious token of my love. Then reaching for her hand, I placed the shimmering, gold paper-wrapped box in it. When she held it up in the light of the moon and saw the extravagant package, her golden eyes sparkled like rare topaz stones. Gingerly tugging on the velvety crimson ribbon, she peeled back the paper, raised the lid and gasped. Her eyes flew open wide and her hand flew to her surprised mouth. Fawning over it, she declared it was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen. I carefully took it from the box and clasped it around her lovely, ivory neck while she gushed that she was never going to take it off as she began showering my face with kisses which I allowed to go on for several moments. Then I laughed, reached for her shoulders and gently rubbed my hands up and down her arms while I took my turn lightly placing kisses all over her face and mumbling, “Happy birthday, my darling Lillian,” until I found her parted lips. She reached up, tangled her hands in my hair and pulled me closer. Our kiss grew deeper and more passionate until neither of us could bear it any longer. Catching our breath, our eyes met and in unison we rasped, “The lake house.”
We walked much faster back to the car than we had on our stroll to the river. Silently, we drove the twenty eternal miles to the lake house, the only sounds were the car engine and the occasional smack of my kisses on top of Lillian’s head that was resting on my shoulder. Her arm was tucked lovingly through mine. I could feel the heat between us. It felt so right, so perfect, so pure.
As it was midweek, the house was deserted. I knew where the spare key was hidden and used it to open the door then we walked through the dark rooms until we reached the den on the back side of the expansive house.
It was a mild evening, but I stacked logs in the fireplace and built a fire. Lillian found a blanket on the bottom shelf of a walnut armoire, fluffing and arranging it on the floor in front of the crackling fire. Daintily settling herself on it, she shyly reached up and clasped my hand urging me down beside her. Leaning in, I lightly sprinkled kisses on her forehead, cheeks, chin and eyelashes. Unable to control my desire for her any longer, I leaned closer, and finger under her chin, tilted her face up to mine to gaze into her golden, limpid eyes. Tenderly, I brushed her full, luscious lips with mine as I said her name over and over. Her lips parted slowly and she timidly began to mingle her tongue with mine. She moaned, reached up and clasped her hand around my neck to pull me down to the floor beside her. Our kiss deepened.
I was drowning in the sweetness of her. The warmth of our kisses spread through our bodies and merged us into one existence. I ached for her. I felt delirious. With her supple body pressed up against me, I could feel her fluttering heartbeats, and I could feel my own heart breaking. How was I going to tell her I would be leaving within the week? How was I ever going live without her?
I loosened our hold so that we were reclining on the floor face to face. The firelight flickered across her face as I began tracing lazy circles with my finger over her creamy lips. Gently, I kissed them. Then I sighed and rested the top of my head against them. I didn’t have the words to tell her. I just couldn’t. Raising my head, I looked deep into her eyes trying to muster the courage to tell her. After a few seconds, she sat upright, furrowed her brow, shook her head in confusion and started to speak. I rose up on my elbow, placed my finger on her questioning lips and implored her with my eyes not to get up. Then I rose and walked over to my jacket that I’d thrown haphazardly across a chair. Fishing the notice out of my pocket, I walked back on jittery legs and knelt down beside her.
Reaching for her hand, I placed it into her open palm. She looked down at it and then back at me quizzically. With shaky fingers, she unfolded the envelope and upon seeing the return address, her lips trembled and eyes brimmed with tears as she searched my face. Then she slid the notice out of the envelope and read it.
As she read silently, her hand flew to her mouth and she mouthed, “No.” I’ll never forget the look of pain on her lovely tear-streaked face. In fact, it still haunts me.
She shook her head back and forth and whispered, “No, Sam. God, please, no.” Then she completely broke down. She was so overcome with anguish. Every sobbing breath making her body shudder. Seeing her that way, I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach.
Tenderly taking her into my arms, we rocked back and forth until her sobbing subsided and her hot tears exhausted. I kissed her tear-stained cheeks while I whispered over and over in her ear, “I’ll be back. I’ll come back. I can’t live without you. I don’t want to live without you. You mean everything to me. You are my everything.” Placing a finger under her chin and gently nudging her face up to look into mine, I said, “Lillian, I love you.” It was the first time I’d spoken the words aloud, but I’d known it since the day I first saw her.
She smiled through her tears and sniffed. “Oh Sam,” she sighed, “I love you too,” and her tears began to flow unchecked again. “What am I supposed to do while you’re gone? I don’t know what to do. I’ll be so worried about you and I’ll miss you so much,” she sniffed.
“I know, baby. I know. I’ll miss you terribly,” I whispered as I held her tightly. Sometime later, we fell asleep in each other’s arms in front of the blazing fire.
Early in the morning before sunrise, I awoke. Lillian’s beautiful face and tousled hair glowed in the waning firelight. Her steady breathing and the warmth of her body flooded my emotions. I loved her so much. I’d never felt so completely in love yet so absolutely hollow at the same time.
And finally, I allowed my tears to flow freely.
Chapter 12
“Oh Sam, that’s awful,” Sadie whispered with teary eyes. “I can’t even imagine the sorrow you both must have felt. You were so happy and then so…heartbroken, so devastated.”
“It was awful. I felt like such a louse for ruining her birthday. But I had to tell her because I was so desperate to spend as much time with her as possible since I had so little time before I had to report for duty. I just had to spend as much of it with her as I could,” he repeated, Sadie noticing he’d looked as if all the air had been knocked out of him again.
She breathed in deep and dropped her head seeing her watch showed that the hour was much later than she’d thought.
“Oh no,” she moaned. “Sam, I’m really sorry, but I have to go study. You know, my toughest midterm is on Friday, and I’m still struggling with some of the material.” She reached out tenderly and touched his arm.
“I apologize for monopolizing so much of your time, Sadie,” he said sincerely as he patted her hand. “I hope we can get together after your midterms. I’d like very much for us to share more memories of Lillian.”
“That sounds lovely, Sam. I really do appreciate your consideration. After Friday, I promise I’ll be able to spend more time hanging out with you.” She blushed and corrected herself, “I mean I’ll be able to talk more leisurely with you.”
Sam chuckled and said, “I’m old, Sadie, but I’m not so old that I don’t know what ‘hanging out’ means. I do have a grandson, you know. I’d like to think I’m pretty ‘hip’ to today’s lingo.” He laughed.
At that, Sadie rolled her eyes and laughed with him.
Chapter 13
Feeling exhausted when he reached his room at
the inn, Sam realized that his neck and back muscles felt tight and stiff. Reliving the painful memories of the last days he and Lillian spent together had been hard on him. He guessed he must have tensed as he was relaying the last part of his story. Longing for relief, he decided a hot shower would relax him and help his mind unwind.
He stood in the shower letting the rivulets of steaming water wash over his rigid body. After several minutes, he soaped and shampooed, then stepped out and wiped off with a chunky towel. Wrapping the complimentary robe around his body, he walked over to the phone on the desk and dialed room service, hoping a drink would aid in his goal of loosening up.
Over the past year, once the memories of his former life had started, they’d come rushing at him so fast sometimes that he nearly ducked. The strangest things would evoke a memory: a ringing bell, a wisp of wind, the sound of a car engine. The revelations of his former life were exciting, exhilarating, and frustrating all at the same time. But tonight, he just wanted to relax, enjoy a quiet evening and get a good night’s sleep. He had a business meeting tomorrow in King’s Landing and wanted to be on top of his game for it.
As was his habit of late, he fell asleep that night with the treasured image of Lillian’s exquisite features smiling down at him, and abruptly at two o’clock he awoke gasping for air. During the first waking moments from his dreams, the horrible expression of Lillian’s tortured, pained face from that night in the lake house hovered in the darkness that swallowed him. Night after night, it was always the same—he’d fall asleep to the image of her lovely face and be startled awake in the middle of the night to the tragic expression she wore on the night he’d told her he had to leave.
Pulling himself upright, he leaned his head against the headboard and scrubbed his hands over his face trying to wipe away the despised apparition that haunted his waking moments. He groaned, swung his feet over the side of the bed and turned on the lamp. Reaching inside the drawer of the bedside table, he gathered his journal and pen. His pen hovered only momentarily over the page that was bookmarked with a satin ribbon before he began writing:
Thurs., Oct. 14, 1988
2:00 AM
My Dearest Lillian,
Oh, how I’ve savored these past few evenings spent with your granddaughter, Sadie. She’s such a lovely young lady and has inherited so many of your endearing qualities. I’m
afraid I’ve imposed upon her by sharing stories of our love, but she’s been a gracious listener and such a dear. It’s made me happier than I could have imagined. My darling Lillian, I regret I came back too late to see you again. I miss you so much. I’m tormented daily by how you must have felt when I didn’t return to you after the war. The image of your heartbroken face plagues my every waking moment. I’m so sorry, my love. You are and will always be my true love.
Love always,
Sam
He placed the journal and pen neatly inside the drawer and closed it. Feeling that he needed a drink of water, he slipped his feet into his house shoes and ambled to the attached bathroom. Not bothering with the light, he unwrapped a glass, held it under the water then sipped on it as his mind continued to churn.
Eleven years ago, when California was experiencing its driest year in state history, he’d begun keeping a journal. Every entry had begun with, “Dear Lillian” and he didn’t know why. He’d asked Jeanette if Lillian had been his mother’s name and saw the color drain from her face. She’d stuttered when she whispered that his mother’s name was Joan. Appearing to be hurt by his choice of names, she went on to tell him that she didn’t know anyone named Lillian and didn’t understand why he felt the need to name his journal anyway. He could tell the name upset her, but he insisted that he didn’t know a Lillian either. It just felt right somehow. Lillian sounded like the name of someone he’d want to share his feelings with.
Getting back into bed, he turned off the lamp and lay still while his mind continued to whirl. He thought about how life could be so fickle, and how he’d spent over forty-five years without Lillian. Now that he was back where their love had begun and their time together so short-lived, he could feel his yearning to have her by his side again stronger than ever. His heart ached. He recalled how he’d thought the fates were smiling down on him on that January day so long ago when he’d found her again. Instead, they were just setting him up for the ominous circumstances that would later become his life.
His life without Lillian.
Chapter 14
Sadie’s eyes snapped open and she sat up quickly. The glowing green numbers on the oven clock indicated it was two in the morning. She’d fallen asleep over her books again.
“What was that all about?” she thought shaking her head as she recalled her dream.
It was her twelfth birthday and having surprised her with one of his rare visits to town, her dad had taken her to dinner. He wasn’t supposed to be home until later in the month, but a load of oilfield equipment had gotten rescheduled which had allowed him to be there. They were sitting across from each other in a small booth at Venturo’s and he’d reached across the table to take her hand, his crystal blue eyes sparkling in the candlelight as he smiled lovingly at her.
Sadie gasped and sat up straighter in her chair. That was it! It was his eyes. Her dad’s eyes were exactly like Sam’s.
“That’s why he seems so familiar,” she breathed the revelation aloud. Her brows creased into a frown. “It can’t be,” she murmured dubiously.
Going over the numbers in her head, she thought it through. Papa Jim, her grandfather, and Lala had been married for forty-two years when he’d passed away in 1986. That meant they got married in 1944. Wait, Lala did say that Papa Jim had just come home from the war. Dad was how old? Forty-four? Yeah, that was right. He was born on March 25, 1944. Hmm. Papa Jim got discharged from the army in January of 1944. She remembered Lala showing her his discharge papers one day when she’d been rummaging through the old safe in the stockroom searching for an important tax document for the bookstore.
Sadie thought if they got married in January of 1944, that meant Lala was pregnant with her dad before Papa Jim left for duty, and they’d waited until he came home to get married. Okay, that made sense. She wondered if they knew about the baby before he left. Since pregnancy was viewed very differently back then, did Lala have to leave town because they weren’t yet married? Sadie wondered why she’d never put that together. Lala was pregnant with her father while Papa Jim was away at war!
When she considered the eyes again, she noted that Papa Jim’s had been a dark, chocolate sort of brown and Lala’s were like hers: a deep, golden amber. Aunt Joy’s were a light, golden brown, Aunt Holly’s were hazel, but her dad’s eyes were such a bright, vivid light blue.
Just. Like. Sam’s.
How could that be? Sadie considered this discovery and shook her head again. What were the odds? Three children from dark-eyed parents, but one of them with eyes that were such a crystal-clear blue. Was that even possible?
Maybe Dad was adopted, she thought. Naw. Surely, someone would’ve said something about it by now. And her family was so close. They wouldn’t keep a secret like that from her. Would they?
Scolding herself for getting so carried away, she said, “Okay, go to bed Sadie. You’re tired, you’re delusional and you’re letting your imagination run wild.”
Flipping the cover of her textbook closed, she walked like a zombie to her bedroom. After splashing water on her face and brushing her teeth, she fell into bed. Just as she was drifting off to sleep, the vision of Sam’s bright, azure eyes floated across her mind.
*****
Sadie—Thursday
Sleep did nothing to refresh Sadie. In fact, she felt as though she would’ve been better off just staying up and studying all night. For hours she’d tossed and turned. At six that morning, the obnoxious clamor of her alarm startled her awake. Obviously, she’d slept some. Just not until sometime after three-thirty, which was the last time she’d glanced at the time.
“Great. Two hours of sleep. That should do it.” She punched the snooze button. It would give her the ten minutes she needed to clear her foggy brain. Rolling onto her back, she breathed in deeply and stared blankly at the ceiling.
Mentally scolding herself because she’d been so busy considering the color of people’s eyes, she hadn’t really dedicated herself to what was important right then—her tests.
Sitting erect in her bed, she nodded definitively, threw off the covers, stretched then jumped up and went to take a hot shower. After dressing in her favorite comfy sweater, 501 Levi’s and Adidas sneakers, she inhaled a tasteless breakfast bar chasing it with a steaming cup of coffee while blow-drying her hair. She made her bed, dumped the empty coffee cup into the sink, grabbed her book bag, jacket, and keys and headed downstairs to open La-La Land for Cindy.
Cindy Wilson had been her best friend since Cindy’s family moved to Harmony Glen when they’d both been starting first grade that fall. The Wilsons had bought the house across the street from Lala on Destiny Lane, and Cindy’s parents still lived there.
Becoming fast friends from day one, the girls spent nearly every day together until freshman year of college when Sadie had gone off to live in the college dorm in King’s Landing. Cindy had stayed in Harmony Glen working at her uncle’s car dealership in the accounting department during the day and taking classes at night. She’d already earned an associate’s degree.